I don’t normally post stuff like this, but a word of advice for anyone dealing with, or may have to deal with, the family law system (especially in California). You’ll get screwed, ESPECIALLY if you’re the one abiding by the court orders, the law, and anything any other government agency or counselor recommends you do, and ESPECIALLY if you’re the one owed child support.
It doesn’t matter:
How many concessions you make to schedules for visitation (and if you refuse 1 single change to the schedule you’re all of a sudden a horrible, terrible parent that isn’t “abiding by the law”),
If the other person refuses to give you the ONE visitation request you made…ever,
If you’re working or not,
If you’re looking out for the best interest of your kids,
If you discipline your kids or not,
If you try to keep the peace agreeing to crap you wouldn’t normally agree to,
If you feel like you’re being bullied into agreeing to crap you don’t want to,
If the other person continuously calls in false reports to CPS that are ALL found to be false allegations, which are also referred to as ‘custody calls’, (especially when you’re drug tested in your own home because of these false allegations – and the drug test comes out NEGATIVE for all drugs and alcohol),
If the other person IS on drugs and / or is an alcoholic,
If the other person let’s your kids drink and do drugs,
If the other person is violent,
If you live your life WITHOUT drugs, being an alcoholic, or are living with abuse of any kind,
If the other person used to beat you,
If the other person has a violent past,
If the other person owes anything in past due child support (even up to and over $100,000 owed – they don’t go to jail anymore, they just have their license suspended (which doesn’t stop them from driving), and their credit is shot…whoopdido),
Or how many times the other person screws up…
If they have the money to pay for supervised visitation and an attorney (because they aren’t paying their child support), you’ll get screwed (especially when you can’t afford an attorney because you actually take care of your kids). They’ll manipulate and be on their best behavior for the Monitor, they’ll lie and manipulate their attorney, the judge, the cops, and to CPS. And even though the Monitor, the judge, the cops, and CPS all know that this other person is a [insert expletive here], apparently there’s nothing against the law to being a [insert expletive here] (especially when they manipulate every circumstance to seem like they haven’t ever done anything wrong), and if you can’t PROVE that this person is a drug addict, an alcoholic, or violent (usually because the people this person abuses are too afraid to talk), then there’s absolutely NOTHING ANYONE will do about it! So, you’ll get screwed from every side. And in the end, your kids do too because they’re exposed to the filth and they’ll learn horrible habits, such as how to lie and manipulate others to get anything they want.
Yes, this will pass (hopefully)…eventually, but while you have to live IN it you’ll be miserable, you’ll become physically ill, and despite your best efforts, it will get to you because these are your kids this other person is messing with. Prayer helps. So does the wonderful support of your spouse (if you’re lucky enough to have a good one). But it still sucks and it’s just plain sickening.
The moral of this story is that unless you’re the [insert expletive here] who has nothing better to do than dream up ways to make the other person’s life a living hell and is a manipulating [insert another expletive here], you’ll get screwed. Awesome, right? Well, that’s the way it works.
So, you’re probably wondering: where’s the positive? What do the good people get? Where’s the justice? Well, I’m still trying to find it. If you find it first, please do share!